Re: And I won’t back down

I'm so proud of you!

On Thu, Sep 6, 2018 at 9:48 AM Elyssa Durant

I appreciate the fact that you raised me to have realistic expectations and an internal locus of control.

I'm not sitting here praying to some sky fairy to heal me and I know that how well I come through this depends on me and me alone. I try not to have unrealistic expectations because that way I can't be disappointed if they are not met.

The hard thing for me is the variability and inconsistency. I know from my mental health issues that recovery is not linear. That I will have setbacks and and I just need to fight through them.

Yesterday I could walk without my walker. Today I cannot. Optimism isn't my strong suit. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I'm glad you taught me very young that anything worth having requires hard work and that you only get out what you put in.

Most things in life have come easy to me. I didn’t need to work very hard to excel academically in school or in sports.

This is uncharted territory for me and very frightening. I'm doing the very best I can to process it all but the way I do that is through my writing.

That way I can look back on the bad days and see how far I've come. I don't feel that I have any safe place to write Anymore with my websites under attack.

But I'll keep trying. I won't give in and I won't give up.


Elyssa D. Durant
Research & Policy Analyst
Columbia University, New York

--

Estelle

And I won’t back down

September 6, 2018

I appreciate the fact that you raised me to have realistic expectations and an internal locus of control.

I'm not sitting here praying to some sky fairy to heal me and I know that how well I come through this depends on me and me alone. I try not to unrealistic expectations because that way I can't be disappointed if they are not met.

The hard thing for me is the variability and inconsistency. I know from my mental health issues that recovery is not linear. That I will have setbacks and and I just need to fight through them.

Yesterday I could walk without my walker. Today I cannot. Optimism isn't my strong suit. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But I'm glad you taught me very young that anything worth having requires hard work and that you only get out what you put in.

Most things have come easy to me. I did my need to work very hard to excel in school or in sports.

This is uncharted territory for me and very frightening. I'm doing the very best I can to process it all but the way I do that is through my writing.

That way I can look back on the bad days and see how far I've come. I don't feel that I have any safe place to write Anymore with my websites under attack.

But I'll keep trying. I won't give in and I won't give up.


Elyssa D. Durant
Research & Policy Analyst
Columbia University, New York

I won’t give In and I won’t give up.

September 6, 2018

Dear Dad,

In re:

A letter to my mom

You had it all wrong. You say that my father was a hero to me and had me convinced that he was a horrible person who didn't love me at all. You said, "he didn't leave me. He left you." And I believed you. I believed all the horrible lies you told me. And I chose you. I left his home to move in with you until you changed the locks and kicked me out.

Well, now I know the the truth. When I was on a ventilator, Boca was too far for you to drive and it was too much for YOU to handle. I was facing life totally paralyzed and you walked out on me.

Thank god you contacted my father because he and Rita flew down and had me transferred by ambulance to have emergency neurosurgery. And I may never walk independently again but my dad arranged for someone to come and shower me, cook my meals, has fresh healthy food and vegetables prepared for me and got me an iPad with special software so I can write and communicate. You?

Haven't asked me once how I'm feeling.

Grandma Estelle is 89 years old and comes to EVERY appointment with me.

It took me a long time to see the truth, but I finally see things clearly now.

I don't really blame you. You simply don't know how to love. And you don't know selfless, unconditional love that a parent feels for their child. And that makes me very sad for you.

I pity you. Because I am a wonderful, loving and beautiful child who has accomplished great things, the least of which is my writing and my ability to love UNCONDITIONALLY.

You threw me away. And that's really too bad... for you.


Elyssa D. Durant
Research & Policy Analyst
Columbia University, New York

Vote Andrew Gillum

My abilities seem to be coming in and out. Some days I can walk unassisted and feel my hands, other days not so much.

It's taking a toll on my head and I just got a letter from my insurance company denying coverage stating my treatment was experimental and a bill for $290,990.72.

I'm wondering what kind of work I'll be able to do when I go back. I would love to go back to Government and use my degree in Health Policy.

So I need you all to vote for Andrew Gillum like your life depends on it.


Elyssa D. Durant
Research & Policy Analyst
Columbia University, New York