Thursday, February 3, 2022

DailyDDose 📓 February 3, 2022: Is this love?

DailyDDose 📓 February 3, 2022

Is this love? 


Spent my whole session talking about you in therapy today. 

I'm in therapy 3x week and now I'm starting EMDR. 

I finally reached a place where I can talk to you without crying and I told her how you helped me get through the first surgery but how you had completely ghosted on me after your cancer diagnosis and before I could donate a kidney (my hematologist gave me the go ahead and then Mt. Sinai said you were no longer a candidate) 

But then I saw Jessica repost that you need a miracle (kidney donor) and I addressed her directly and told her I was a match. 

You must be on dialysis now I guess. 

I was told you only had a year or two to live so I'm very confused as to what's going on but as my therapist told me, you clearly don't want me to know otherwise you wouldn't make me worry like that. 

She said that obviously I knew the "relationship" could only go so far and of course I did, but I was so happy, so very happy just to get your texts and hear your voice every day. 

I miss the way you made me laugh.  I miss sharing our mutual stories and wonder how you made it through the pandemic. 

I don't think I'm in love with you any more… but now that I have some distance I can unequivocally say that I've NEVER loved anyone so deeply or profoundly in all my life. 

I'm cool headed about things now and even if it takes you 10 years to call me, I hope at some point in the future you can spend $20 on a burner phone and call me so we can laugh again and get some closure.

Before we were lovers, we were friends. And I miss my best friend. 

I saw the pic of you out with Freitas,  Brian Deutsh, and a few others. 

You are wearing your glasses and your hair is growing long. You've never looked more beautiful to me but there is a sadness in your eyes. 

And your beard looks amazing. Grey looks good on you. I wish I could see more pics but you don't post Jack shit and I had to hunt down those photographs. 

I just miss your laugh. I miss the way you make me laugh and the way you could always read my mind. 

I won't start texting and calling every day again, but I hope you'll hold on to my number and one day, find the courage to use it.

/ed
--
Elyssa Durant Research and Policy Analyst

Monday, January 31, 2022

DailyDDose (c) January 31, 2023

DailyDDose © January 31, 2022

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year  

Begin forwarded message:

From: Elyssa Durant <elyssad@icloud.com>
Date: January 31, 2022 at 3:27:12 PM EST
To: Marc Durant <MDurant@durantlaw.com>
Subject: Re: Severe nationwide shortage of home health care workers.

Interesting article. It definitely is a shit job… showering and cleaning up after disabled adults ~ navy of whom have dementia and may be combative?? 

Horrible. They only make $11 per hour so it's no wonder it's hard to find trustworthy, reliable workers. 

You have no idea how vulnerable it makes me feel to have a stranger in my home shower and dress me?? 

It is a brutally humbling experience. 

I was in the hospital for almost FIVE months January 2018. They didn't shower me a SINGLE time. No one changed my hospital gown, brushed or wasted my hair or my body until you brought in Steve & Elaine to stay with me in the hospital. 

You really don't recover from that kind of psychological injury. 

Even when I asked Karen to help me, she refused. My peg mother refused to touch me and help me brush ny hair or clean my body. 

That's why it meant so very much to me when Rita took ny hand and helped me walk last week during your visit. 

I know it may sound minor to you and others when I constantly relive the emotional trauma that led to my severe PTSD but try to imagine yourself completely helpless and alone for MONTHS (actually years) with no human  interaction or contact for the NINE YEARS I've been living here in Florida in complete isolation. 

It's no exaggeration and I feel terribly alone and scared of the perpetual physical and emotional abuse I've suffered by Karen, her miserable, violent rabid new husband, Paul and Darryll. 

I'm so far from okay, I don't think I'll ever recover.  To say I've regressed into a scared little child is a monumental understatement. I am permanently scarred and altered for life. 

January 31, 2022
3:25pm

e

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year 🍾  2022
--
Elyssa Durant Research and Policy Analyst

Saturday, January 29, 2022

DailyDDose January 29, 2022 ❄️⛄️

Memory Bank: January 29, 2022

My family and friends are sending me photos of the snow ❄️ from the NorEaster that is leaving a blanket of snow in New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. 

And of course, I am thinking of *Him*


I wish you could send me a photo of the snow ❄️ 

Remember that time we got snowed in without electricity my first year at Columbia? 

We had no power for days. We only had the light from my little AST laptop computer 💻 

It was my very first compute and you taught me how to use the 14.4 PCMCIA modem to get online!!? 

YOU HAVE MAIL 

We had the light of the laptop 💻 and walked in the morning to get bagels 🥯 

Come sundown, we walked to Sweet to get Chinese Food 🍲 

Do you remember that apartment? 

33 Central Drive
Port Washington, NY 11050

And when I moved into the city, you showed up at my place all bundled up and covered in snow. I don't know how you found me but you did. 

We hadn't spoken in a while, and no words were necessary. 

You looked so sad and pathetic covered in snow ⛄️ 

You looked up at me with those big brown eyes and I knew exactly what you wanted to say. 

I let you in and we made love and just like that ~ we we're back together again. 

If only for a night~ or for all eternity. 

We had a bond that couldn't be broken.

When you look out that window and see all of that snow, try and remember all of the times we had together, staying warm and snuggly inside with the beautiful white pure driven snow ❄️ pilling up outside our window. 

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year  🍾
--
Elyssa Durant Research and Policy Analyst

Monday, October 4, 2021

Health export please save

Monday, October 4 2021 
6:33am


EST PT with Delvis
santana, MD

Scanner obviously not working 




Monday December 13 2:20 PM

I can't get the Sim card in my hands aren't steady enough and all of my nails broke so I can't get the top off of the prepaid cell phone  

I spoke to Missy and she can send me a new one same day I can get it delivered the issue is that this Sim card is linked to the FCC broadband benefit program. 

 Through it it registers to apply for multiple benefits across-the-board such as food stamps I could probably do the Medicare application through that but I can't do all of us by myself with my head exploded.

I don't understand Android it doesn't make sense to me. 

What will probably do is reactivate the other Chinese Cell and put like $10 on there to keep it active. 

 The issue with that phone is it has passwords saved it for Columbia I have since been compromise. 

Can't see the password I can't change the password but it's in that phone. Even when the phone is not active I can connect to Wi-Fi and still get Internet sometimes 

No but I was here I didn't watch him I wouldn't sit in the room with him because I didn't wanna make him feel like the criminal sidekick  that he is. 

 He did not fix ANYTHING. 

But I did find and I'm not gonna say who did it because there were multiple people at my apartment that day, But somebody disconnected the modem and it's in Karen's name I was there when she changed over she did it in the Miami hotel room fucking bitch. 

 But Darryl took my modem. What I found was that my TV splitter I've been removed there's dust everywhere and when I turn it on it's simply does not work. 

 When I called Comcast and ask them to send me a Recents and well it says that the phone number does not match what's on the account and they cannot give me the password or reset it v

At that point they said Karen a pin number to reset it that's only good for between five and 15 minutes to get your shit set up. 

Karen of course won't relinquish that number because that's the only bit of control that she has over me. 

Now I think it's really super Duper important that you recognize this is not a new thing this is an ongoing pattern with paren tries to control a communications and that is a very very simple like ABC 123 simple sign of neglect and abuse for children they disabled and elderly. Now I think it's really super Duper important that you recognize this is not a new thing this is an ongoing pattern with paren tries to control a communications and that is a very very simple like ABC 123 simple sign of neglect and abuse for children the disabled and elderly 

I know this for being a therapist and working with kids who were abused as soon as I called them are called the foster home and was told that they are not allowed to communicate with me I went over there with the police. 

You need to think about this carefully OK there's a security code to get into the building. 

NONE of the people who came last week use a security code to an agent they all just came and knocked on my door.  They simply said your mother sent me over to fix blah blah blah. 

I don't know what fixing the sliding doors or the closet door has anything to do with the electrical panel. 

But the jude Elijah from Israel he's 22 years old and what's with the bomb squad according to him put on rubber gloves to change a lightbulb in the utility closet he then try to cut the power to the electric 

Call Teas boss and his boss said that he could not fix the door either of the doors I am the curtains curtains in the closet door because it was too much of a liability issue. 

A LIABILITY ISSUE!! 

What that mean in Laymans terms is it so fucking day address because it keeps coming down crashing on my head but not gonna let some young apprentice Highgate back up and fix the door because it's dangerous What that mean in Laymans terms is it so fucking day address because it keeps coming down crashing on my head but not gonna let some young apprentice drill into unstable door frame back up and fix the door because it's too dangerous. 

Karen clearly hasn't thought this through. What is a violation of the building code and it's violation of my lease and it's liability where she has $1 million liability insurance as per the HOA code 

I'm not playing with Karen. She has millions of dollars comes of it still not shit just to make it a inconvenient. 

 Last time she was here she stole my fucking vacuum cleaner that's a second vacuum cleaner she took for me. 

Ray and I were talking about just the other day and she stole my little robot vacuum cleaner that like she obsessed about obsess obsess obsess RoboT cleaner 

And she obsessed about the  modem. The modem of the modem modem

Nobody seen her do that she comes into my apartment I switched our crazy shit and she switched out the silverware on me. 

Seriously fucked up because when you think about it everything about appointment was measured clinically can I have the paperwork to prove it so that if I fall all right then I can get out for my walker was measured to the couch so that I could stay on top of that shit is all fucked up now. 

It's gonna cost thousands and thousands of dollars to fix it I don't have thousands of dollars are the patience and I don't have the inclination. 

 I guess what I'm just venting which is very enjoyable to me and really good for my sake and for my service because when I vent scream and yell I don't feel the pain. 

Where is gonna be here in a couple of weeks I member last year when I was at the hospital this phone access at home I was unconscious and Karen will you bring my iPad iPhone to the hospital I said OK I'll just wait for Ray to get it. 

And Karen said where is that gonna be here for another month 

That was over a year ago fuck Karen. 

 All right guess here I'm sure he won't mind taking a quick look at the fucking cars in the door I can probably fix the door himself. 

 Ray put together my last test I had I think the table so I'm sure he will rise for half an afternoon how many pick out a desk that doesn't fall apart the Karen doesn't have access to. 

Ok. Construction of the biggest started there goes my silent day I have to rewrap my feet to things came off. 

Here's my healthcare access pass. 

Oh shit load of my healthcare data got the latest one was on the phone parents of the others on the phone it doesn't start. Like the one you had does not mean that the information isn't that the information is there you just need a different way to tap into it. 

OK but mines race million and one things to do I don't have time to sit down and relax put my feet up seriously like I'm supposed to. 

All this shit is left over from last year and the year before the year before it's been over a year that I've been discharged hospital can I head to the back it's rehab because I was left alone with no healthcare for 13 days and unconscious according to the records Miami was able to get. 

We still don't know who called 911. 

Can't tell you how critical that is however for the meantime I'm going to just leave it at all there's no place to leave it there's just no place to leave it. 

When this shit isn't resolved all it does is go back into a cycle it's like when you program a computer you start was lying 10 you give it the first command at the end you put go to 10 it's an infinite Loop 

That's what is zero JS OK it's an infinite Loop. 

That's what is zero JS OK it's an infinite Loop

You can see my voice activation isn't working. 

 All the Russian hackers are all here I'm fucking Florida favorite TV series Russian  I have a Chinese keyboard… 

The Secret Service and FBI obviously now not only who I am but where I live because they came to talk to me. 

I really wish they'd arrest me so I can get a little team appointed I miss is really frustrating I can't handle this shit by myself. 

Last thing I order a mouse for computer because I can't use the touch up and it doesn't have the USB port in it so having problems your computer only has two US people I need more than two because I'm connecting portable drives 

The computer needs at least 100 GB to update and connect to my iPhone through iTunes so I can find my phone so I can manage my network. 

Make no Mistakes this is seriously illegal shit that she's doing under so many fucking laws can't even begin to tell you. 

I qualify for this FCC Broadband thing but I can't fucking use it. 

 OK seriously have to go and I said getting very stressed out I'm gonna take it out of it too overwhelmed and I can't start my day like this I need to just just quiet myself down get Cleo calm down Petco in lowest heart rate and just relax. OK seriously have to go and I said getting very stressed out I'm gonna take it out of it too overwhelmed and I can't start my day like this I need to just just quiet myself down get Cleo calm down petting her lowers my heart rate. 

I'm sorry. 


Saturday, September 11, 2021

Cleo 🐾

I spent an hour yesterday brushing Cleo and she slept with me ALL night so I could feel her soft fur. 



Before my first surgery,  I couldn't feel my hands at all. You could have stabbed me with a knife and I wouldn't have known so it made it super extra special to feel how fuzzy and soft she is. 

She's a very good cat. I can't imagine why anyone would kick her in the face and hurt her so badly but I think I know exactly how she feels and it makes it super special that she trusts me enough to pet her tummy. 

Dad says you can't train a cat. Maybe so, but she ate a treat out of my hands and brings me all her fresh mousies 🐁 and presents them to me in her mouth. 

I guess she doesn't realize I'm the one hiding the mice all over the apartment!! She thinks she's bringing me a gift and I showed her with praise when she gives them to me. 
--
ed/DailyDDose