A Love Letter

A Love Letter

I can't tell you how much I miss having someone like you in my life. Someone I can have deep intellectual conversations with; someone I can be honest with without judgment; someone who knows all of my dark and brings out all of my light.

I've spent many years looking, and I've been in relationships with some really brilliant and wonderful men, but I never developed a bond with any of them like I did with you. I've had that "crazy love" with others.

You and I had it all for a while. That crazy love, sexual chemistry, infatuation, mutual respect and so much more. Paramount was the deep friendship and bond we had beneath it all. I've missed that the most and I've missed you more than you could ever know.

I know we can't be together and that you are in love with another woman and as much as that hurts, I need you every bit as much today as I did so many years ago. And perhaps even more so now that I'm dealing with a very severe and terrifying healthcare crisis.

I don't want to pressure you, guilt you or shame you into giving me anything more than what you are comfortable with or capable of handling. I know you have a lot on your plate, and the last thing I want is disingenuous words telling me things you think I want to hear or because you feel pity for me due to the rapid onset of such a severe medical condition, but if you do care about me after all we've been through, I need to know and I need to know now.

When I said, "tell me you love me" the other day, I was playing. I would never want you to say anything out of pity, guilt or obligation and I promise you I'm strong enough to fight this battle on my own; but it would be so much easier if I had a Safe place to share my thoughts, fears, and experience with.

Please tell me if I'm asking too much. I know we can never be involved as intimately as we once were. Not only do I respect and commend your commitment to your family; after all, it was one of the reasons I fell in love with you and what made me want to spend my life with you so many years ago.

Just know that I love you now as much as I did then and have a deeper respect for you knowing that you turned out to be the husband and father I also believed you would be.

As always, I love you.

I love all of your dark and all of your light and hope you can continue to share both sides with me and everything in between.

You're safe with me. I promise you with every fiber of my being, your dreams, your secrets, your desires, frustrations, regrets, hopes, and your reality are all safe with me.

I love you. 💕

^ed