And this is for you...

Hello, my sweet. Just waking up and have use of my hands for a bit and just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. I know it's hard for people to know what to say to me right now under the circumstances and a bit awkward that we since we were just getting to know each other again and BAM!! Medical crisis.

I would never have reached out to you in this condition if we hadn't connected when I was well a few months ago. I feel so needy and helpless and that is everything I have spent my entire life trying NOT to be. I am so grateful for all you have given me and know this must be extremely difficult for you. I love you with every fiber of my being and always will. 

I'm sure you've gone through plenty since we were together and wish I could have been there to support you and most certainly would have had I known. 

You said you went through some soul searching when we broke up and I'm sure you can tell I have too. 

You have been there for me so many times in the past and I realize your priorities have changed as well they should have over the years being a father now and I am so glad to know you have found happiness even if

I wasn't able to be the one to give it to you. 

I hope you know how much I love and want you; now as much as I did then but respect your boundaries and limitations. 

I hate that my mind works fine now but I'm stuck in this body that just won't cooperate. I've been through so much and fought very hard to deal with my mental health issues only to arrive at this place where I have my full faculties but limited mobility or ability to use all I have learned and experienced for the greater good. 

I've given you the rights to publish or share anything I have written (along with my dad and my brother) to share, publish or take down any sites or publications because I trust you to know what I would and would not want to go public. 

I'm feeling okay right now and can type and use voice activation but the other day I couldn't hold the pen to sign a medical consent form which was quite frightening. 

I've been working on a book and have 11 of 13 chapters written. Your name appears no where in it, but would likely appear on the dedication page had I actually finished it. 

It is all on my phone and I've been trying to email the PDF but had only your email from law school or like AOL or some shit. That's not my biggest concern right now, just please take that as an indicator of how very much I love and trust you. 

You've been my everything. And the time we spent together were some of the best days of my life. 

When I need to laugh, I think of that time on the GW Bridge and when I need to cry I think of how you saved Pepe that time when he had that seizure. 

Loving you taught me that I am capable of loving someone unconditionally and completely without reservation.  Something I never knew as a child and most certainly never got from my fucked up psychotic mother and broken family. 

You were my home. You are my memory and you are forever in my heart. 

I love you, 

Elyssa 

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Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee



"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."



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