Saying goodbye

Today is Thursday, November 14, 2019.

It's finally hit me that you're gone and that you are never coming back. That call and explanation I've been hoping for is never coming.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and the deepest loss I've ever felt.

I didn't "fall back in love with you" I fell in love with who and what you have become; 100x harder and 1000x deeper with than I've ever loved you before.

Maybe someday, I'll understand. Maybe someday you'll tell me what happened and where and what went wrong.

But I'll never stop grieving this loss, and I'll never stop looking at the phone hoping it will ring only to hear your voice on the other end.

I wish you all the best.

You brought out the very best of me, and now also, the very worst, but I will never stop loving you and wishing that things could have different.

And I know it's sick and I know it's twisted, but part of me is hoping that you are feeling the same thing too.

The loss, the emptiness, the sadness that is raining down on my body as tears run down my face. Because even though we are thousand miles apart, I can still feel you and bearing this pain alone is almost too much to bear.

Since you couldn't say it to me or do it for me, I'll do it for both of us and say goodbye.

No one has touched my heart or my soul as deeply as you have. And for better and for worse, I will never stop loving you.

I will love you tomorrow the same as I do today. And as time marches on, I can't see myself healing completely.

I won't "just get over you" and I will never stop loving you and there's nothing you can do and nothing I can do to change that.

I love you always.

Goodbye.


/ed70