No one can take this from me.

We live in a society made up of individuals who are taught how to think, how to feel, how to conform, and how to hide. 

It forces us to place the world into simple categories so that we may understand the complexities around us. 

We are taught that a spirit is our savior and the law is our sanctuary. We learn to recognize both good and evil; black and white; blessed and damned. 

We are forced to identify good or evil; black or white; blessed or 

damned. 

A society that allows us to believe in fate and destiny, and allows us to blame failure and injustice on circumstance and gods. 

It teaches hatred and intolerance, and breeds complexity and anger. 

It is a society I neither respect, nor believe, and a society that needs careful evaluation and gentle handling. 

There is no order, there is no justice, there is no comfort. It is the society of a people in need of a soul. 

There is a theory about Psychologists that claims many people choose to study the field of psychology in an effort to understand their own mind. I have spent so many hours contemplating the source of my insecurities and fears. 

Eventually I came to the field of sociology and education, since I feel it was the combination of the two which facilitated my belief that a degree from Harvard, Princeton or Yale would make my problems disappear. 

The day I was accepted at Columbia was one of the most difficult days of my life because it was something I was told I would never accomplish. 

I chose to go to Vanderbilt after receiving an advanced Masters from the Ivy League for my PhD since it represented freedom. 

Freedom from the contused ideals of my parents, and marked a clear boundary between their world and my own. 

This year, my mother told me I did not deserve to get into Comell. 

My father told me that he was "not willing to gamble $50,000 on my future" (as a guarantor for a student loan.) I thought that if I could just make it through Graduation, everything would be 

O.K. 

I would be able to pick up student insurance, and my pain, stress, and anxiety would all disappear. 

I would no longer be subject to my fathers conventions of checks and balances, and the stress and dependency would all disappear. I would be free from the ghosts and voices that were echoing through my head (in case there is any doubt, that was a figurative, and not a literal statement.) 

I will end this here because I wrote this years ago before I made peace with my family and now have a better understanding of why they felt my accomplishments should be my own. 

I am proud to say that I did accomplish these achievements on my own and received a full academic shcolarship to the top ranked university in the nation amd graduated with a 3.93/4.0. 

No one can take thaf away from me. No one. Ever. 

Just me, 

@ElyssaD

aka Chilly Penguin

/ed70