Apparently Prednisone causes racing thoughts and the traumas and situation is giving me flashbacks. This is not my typical work but if I don't post it, my thoughts may die with me in this god forsaken Hospital
Sorry about the lengthy email I sent the other day. Writing is therapeutic and helps process my thoughts and emotions which are as you can imagine fluctuating with pain, fear, and desperation.
They've put me on Prednisone to alleviate some of the pressure on my spine which is the sight of my original diagnosis at 22 that has spread to all areas of my spine.
They don't know the extent of it yet because they have to run additional tests. That will probably be done today since the holiday weekend is over.
Physical therapy came to evaluate me and put in a PRN request for meds so I could get out of bed to do the evaluation.
There nurse came in and insisted I was not on the requested medication. After about five minutes of her insisting I wasn't on the requested medication (with my Physical therapist present the entire time) she aggressively reads out the meds ordered.
She said "you can have Librium" I said, "what's Librium?"
Nurse: "It's for alcoholics"
Elyssa: I'm not an alcoholic
Nurse: ....
I got myself out of bed and looked at the computer screen and said, "Who is Jeanne?"
She was looking at the wrong patient file.
This was the second time that happened.
Earlier in the day when she first got in the same nurse (her name was Ashleigh said "we think you're going home today." I asked who is "we" because they still haven't even finished doing the MRIs from last week.
She says "oh. I guess that's the patient nextdoor" She dropped meds down without telling me what she was giving me and then got angry when I asked. Initially she said, "I can't give you meds until I take your blood pressure."
Then she ripped of the blood pressure meter and said the connections won't work. I told her they have a special blood pressure cuff on the side of my bed "Adult Small" because they were having trouble getting accurate readings and my blood pressure is fluctuating between 117 and 160 and they don't know why yet.
She walked out in a huff as said it was my fault or some shit.
She came back 2 hours later to do my blood pressure and said "well I couldn't take it before because you refused" which isn't at all what happened but a common issue I encountered when working for the Governor and Vanderbilt auditing medical records for the state when for "numbered" (complicated) reviews for cases in appeals or due to adverse outcomes that were escalated to warrant the Governors intervention and signature even though I was the one conducting the review and writing the official correspondence. Then he would sign it.
That was Governor Phil Bredesen in Tennessee and was hired by Commissioner Virginia Betts who o worked with at Vanderbilt. She went to Washington to work with Clinton (Bill) on Healthcare in DC and then came back to Nashville and was appointed Cabinet Position with the Bredesen Admin while we worked on the Obamacare, Medicare Part D TennCare (Medicaid) cuts to the Daniels Class (of which I am a member) and so many other radical changes to the Healthcare System.
That was about a decade ago and we filed countless federal lawsuits (Attorney Gordon Bonnyman with the Tennessee Justice Center) and various other similar projects.
My point: I've worked on the oversight end of things and as you know am extremely well versed in Healthcare Law and Policy my experience has been that when under investigation, doctors and nurses would tell me ANYTHING to cover their asses and blame the patient for whatever happened. I can only remember one instance where the doctor demanded a HIPPA release which I had the ability to override and did in that instance.
They also change records and even encountered that situation I called about my supervisor forged my signature and used whiteout to predate a consent form while I was working as a case manager and therapist for DCS and they got audited. At the time you told me that my response was appropriate when I copied my case files before I resigned like Tom Cruise in The Firm.
If you don't remember it was because they threatened to sue me claiming Non Compete Clause thinking I would take my patients with me when I left and when to another agency which of course was not even close to my reasons for photocopying the fraudulent records. I happen to still have them and was called upon as expert witness on one of the cases years later when my client was 21 and still hadn't received treatment for the brain tumor I applied for when he was 16.
He's now about 28 and his mom called me this summer to tell me he was having brain surgery and to thank me for my help so many years ago. The judge in that case overruled the insurance denial and threatened to subpoena the governor on a holiday if they didn't approve my recommendations.
These cases and these people know me personally. They remember me because very few people working for the government take those kinds of risks to advocate for their clients. I get it. And I am grateful they write to me and about me so many years later.
What I needed and what I probably need mow is an advocate like me. I've tried that route as you know and it was worse as a patient and I can't even think about it right now without having a full breakdown from experience.
This is precisely what had me suicidal again last night which I live tweeted from my bed in tears from the pain and the realization of the severity of my condition, circumstances and any chance for a life that worth living in extreme pain and poverty for another 40 or 50 years. You know this already since I copied you on that email to Karen when I became suicidal over Thanksgiving and sent you the video of her violent attack along with the letter to which she never responded too.
This is no different in my eyes to what she did when I was 22 and you sent her my ERISA policy and she refused to forward or release the information to me or the hospital unless I agreed to a psych eval with HER doctor and gave her full access to my medical records. I don't even think you know the details or outcome of that situation other than the Insurance Department intervention with Independence Blue Shield Blue Cross ERISA 4236 from 1995. Because I was already had my own shrink who felt my mother was toxic and a major contributing factor to my condition (her presence alone changes my vitals) I absolutely refused to let her control my medical treatment. The last straw for me was I allowed her to choose the endocrinologist for me at Columbia Presbyterian and he had to throw her out of my room since was having a physiological response not to mention what it did to me emotionally. She demanded access to medical records (HIPPA) and I said to the doctor, "I am 22 years old. I do not give consent for this woman to my medical records"since it full psych evals from multiple doctors, psychiatrists and neuropsych even Court records where her parental rights were terminated on August 15, 1988.
You know as well as I do and all of her friends who are concerned about my life and my health when they read about it online or in the news that come across my path. She denies to this day all of this and was here again attacking you while I'm lying here in a hospital bed. She fancies herself a social worker and her psychosis and narcissism prevents her from caring about anything other than what how others perceive her and I'm gonna take a risk, sign post and drop the cuz she called the hospital to bypass me again and I'm going to have to get a restraining order so since she can not now and never has respected my boundaries before I wind up dead.
To be continued:::
She "my biological mother is actively stalking and harassing me and has a friend who works in the admin department.
All of this just a charade. She did the same thing just last night and I'm having MAJOR flashbacks and trauma after all these years from the memories damage and PTSD she caused.
On another note this person stole my article and there well over 100,000 copies I found online. I haven't seen this in years and reading it gave me anxiety and tears since I have no idea what kind of system I'm dealing with a decade later under Trump.
Panic attack.
🐧
^ed
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