"She comes to me when I'm feeling down, inspires me without a sound. She touches me and I get turned around."
We listened to this song one night when you were crashing and I just held your hand and sent you all my positive energy.
We were sitting on the loveseat in [redacted]
We came to the conclusion that WE would be okay as long as we didn't both crash at the same time because just as I lifted you up and carried you through that night holding your hand without saying a word, you've done the same for me more times than I can count.
It's from "She's Got a Way" by Billy Joel.
And maybe that's why it all went to shit. We were both going through our own hell when I moved in with you and rather than leaning on each other for support and being honest about how unhappy we were (not even necessarily with each other, just both depressed) you shut down and I moved into the 3rd bedroom and we shut each other out.
Let's never do that again. If you're having a hard time, I want to know about it. I want to be able to give you strength, console you, inspire you and motivate you.
Know that no matter the distance and miles between us I am always just a phone call away. I will always support you. Through good and bad. I will carry you through when your burden and worries are too much for you to bear alone.
I will never judge you. I accept you and love you for everything you are and with every fiber of my being. I even love your dark side. The part you try to hide from me and the rest of the world.
That's because I see all of you. I often know what you're thinking and feeling before you realize it yourself.
And I know you're going through hell right now, but I'm not. I'm stronger now than I've ever been in all the years you've known me and I am stronger than you know.
So whatever it is, you can tell me. I know you are torn. I know we talked the other day when you were "tired" and tho you may be having some regrets for opening up to me and sharing your thoughts, concerns and feelings with me, I do believe every word come from the heart and was genuine. And maybe you needed that push to let go of your inhibitions to be able to speak so honestly and with such clarity and you made me the happiest girl in the world.
And in the aftermath and the light of day you may be having regrets or second thoughts about our discussion, confessions and raw honesty that we can share with only with each other. I don't want you to have any regrets.
I don't know what the future holds for us together or alone, but I do know how you feel and how conflicted you are. So whatever decision you make, I will support you 110%.
I love you that much. I love you enough to let you go and set you free and even if there is no future for us, I know that what we share will never fade. And though we may be separated by the logistics and limitations of distance and circumstance; I am confident the bond we share transcends time and space and I'll meet you on the other side.
I love you. Always have and always will. And I love you now more than I ever have.
There's nothing you can do that will change that. And nothing I can do to bury that reality and walk away from it all.
You may not be here physically, but you are never far from my thoughts, my heart and my soul.
I can feel your presence and your physical being without touching you. I know you. I know you better than you know yourself and I love all of you.
ALL OF YOU.
Have a wonderful day. Call me when you can.
📧
Elyssa D. Durant
Research & Policy Analyst
Columbia University, New York
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